when you don't know who else has been called

had a good dinner tonight - friend's treat.
( i seem to talk a lot about food)
was one of those of sessions where you really do not know who all have been called.
was one of those sessions where i myself didn't know if i would be called.
then you try to fix up plans as to when to meet, where to meet, what to buy etc. all the while unsuree to broach the topic, unsure whether the other person has been called or not.

scene 1: i and a friend avoid each other the entire day and land up together at the dinner - neither of us confident of the other's invite.
scene 2: i ask a local friend where to buy cake pretending i have a sudden craving for it.

we call friends for all kinds of reasons to these treats.
genuine friendship
strong associations with our friend groups(romantic involvement)
obligation for treats past
general goodwill
desire to be on the roster for future treats
an inability to say no - avoidance of ill will and embarrassment

i hope i was called today with the nobler of reasons.

i hope the people i call when my turn comes will not be a tit- for- tat.

it just boils down again to our inabilty to say no and our need to be liked by everyone.

something like a treat is meant to be a celebration for people one cares about, not an appeasement to social expectation.

why can we not risk the displeaure of those that we feel an unwelcome obligation to? how is that added 0.2% quotient of like going to change our lives?

our security and confidence is rooted in those cumulative 0.2%s .

our aspirations are ayn randish yet our dependancies kafkaesque.


are extroverts the most insecure people of all?

confident - introvert
confident - extrovert
unconfident - introvert
unconfident - extrovert



the last would be the most misunderstood personality type possible. few people would relate to him, would understand him.

it happens.